I went to a conference this weekend with a group of ladies from our church. I don't think this kind of conference is "my thing." And as a friend and I discussed that it wasn't "our thing," we hit upon a particular teaching at the conference that we disagreed with. The great value of our discussion wasn't what we disagreed with but our articulation of what we do believe.
There are things that have happened to me that I would never have chosen. There have been circumstances that I could not control. There are things others have done to me that I was powerless to avoid or stop. Life has many such things scattered throughout. I did not cause them, and I am not to blame for them.
What I am responsible for is my responses to those events and circumstances in my life. Am I bitter, or do I forgive? Do I hold people at a distance to protect myself and thus injure them? Am I doing the same thing to the next generation that was done to me, or am I making a conscious effort to stop those cycles?
Some of these events required a child's reaction, for I was a child when they happened. But now that I'm an adult, there is no need to continue behaving childishly. Yes, I have been hurt. I wish certain things had never happened. But I have to accept the fact that I cannot change the past. I cannot blame my current behavior on past events. That would be an effort to remove my responsibility for my own actions. I cannot use my past to make excuses for my present. I can only learn to behave with maturity and grace and keep moving forward. Onward, ho!
I admit it, I'm a bit of a dreamer. I have made many lists of things I'd like to do in this life. I ran across one of my lists recently. It is one I made was when my children were very young. Back then, it was all I could do in a day to get everyone fed and clean, get the dishes and laundry clean, tend to all the emotional and educational needs of the little ones, and drop into bed exhausted at the end of the day. There was no energy for other activities. There was no time for pursuing other goals. But I still had just enough energy to dream a little. I think I needed to dream. I needed to remember that the world still existed outside my house. Don't get me wrong; I loved those days when my children were little. It's just a fact that my world was small, and I felt the need to expand it sometimes, even if only on paper.
This particular list has 22 items on it. (I wonder why I numbered them.) The amazing thing is that I have actually accomplished some of the things on the list! Some of them I've tweaked and met a similar goal. Some of them I know are not the real dream but a "dumbed down" version of the real dream. For some reason I was afraid of some of those big dreams. Some items on my list I have decided somewhere along the way that I really didn't want to do them after all.
Rewind to my childhood. From the earliest I can remember I wanted to be a doctor. Not just a plain old doctor, though. I wanted to be a "missionary doctor on a ship." I have no clue how I got that idea. Why did I think there was such a position in life? But that dream persisted. It shows up on my list as "become a medical doctor in a rural area." Ships are rural, right? :)
When it came time for college, I didn't think I wanted a career in medicine . . . or at least, I didn't think I wanted to spend the next eight years in college in order to be a doctor. But I was still strongly interested in missions. So I pushed the medical part aside and pursued a degree in Bible with an emphasis on missions.
Upon graduation, instead of heading toward the mission field, I married, and we procreated our own little mission field of five children. :) Children grow up so very fast!!
Fast forward to last year. Our oldest was heading off to college, and our youngest was eleven. As my homeschooling load greatly decreased, my dream of medicine resurfaced. It lied dormant for 25 years but has awakened with new vigor!
I have decided to pursue a degree in nursing. I'm only taking one course at a time right now. I can take one class per quarter for a couple of years or more and have a lot of the extra courses out of the way before I apply to the nursing program at our local college. Once I start the actual nursing classes, I would be a full-time student. We aren't ready for that yet. But this dormant dream is slowly waking up after a very long nap!
This particular list has 22 items on it. (I wonder why I numbered them.) The amazing thing is that I have actually accomplished some of the things on the list! Some of them I've tweaked and met a similar goal. Some of them I know are not the real dream but a "dumbed down" version of the real dream. For some reason I was afraid of some of those big dreams. Some items on my list I have decided somewhere along the way that I really didn't want to do them after all.
Rewind to my childhood. From the earliest I can remember I wanted to be a doctor. Not just a plain old doctor, though. I wanted to be a "missionary doctor on a ship." I have no clue how I got that idea. Why did I think there was such a position in life? But that dream persisted. It shows up on my list as "become a medical doctor in a rural area." Ships are rural, right? :)
When it came time for college, I didn't think I wanted a career in medicine . . . or at least, I didn't think I wanted to spend the next eight years in college in order to be a doctor. But I was still strongly interested in missions. So I pushed the medical part aside and pursued a degree in Bible with an emphasis on missions.
Upon graduation, instead of heading toward the mission field, I married, and we procreated our own little mission field of five children. :) Children grow up so very fast!!
Fast forward to last year. Our oldest was heading off to college, and our youngest was eleven. As my homeschooling load greatly decreased, my dream of medicine resurfaced. It lied dormant for 25 years but has awakened with new vigor!
I have decided to pursue a degree in nursing. I'm only taking one course at a time right now. I can take one class per quarter for a couple of years or more and have a lot of the extra courses out of the way before I apply to the nursing program at our local college. Once I start the actual nursing classes, I would be a full-time student. We aren't ready for that yet. But this dormant dream is slowly waking up after a very long nap!